Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How would you feel if your girlfriend had dick pics on her phone?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for fakery

How did Madri, mother of Nakula and Sahadeva die?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?

I can read

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t buy bullshit

When Chinese people see my pets, will they think of it as their food?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Why are black people seen as scary or a threat to some people?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Why is pornography still alive and not illegal? Why doesn’t the government do about tricking women into them?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

What is the most heartbreaking thing your child has told you?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

What exactly is female squirting? Is it only urine or a combination of liquids?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What discoveries in AI research have changed our understanding of intelligence evolution?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I see through liars

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I actually pay taxes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have a reading level above third grade

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I can count

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t